Heartbroken

I can tell you the last time I actually felt my heart break.

It was on April 10, 2010 when Kahlua died.

Until today.

I literally felt my heart break when I was turned away at the Mercy House Cold Weather Shelter - because they are closed tonight.  The Armory needed the location for training.  

While this probably doesnt sound like a big deal, what actually broke my heart was seeing people lined up along the fence where they usually wait to get in.  Laying down on the sidewalk, sleeping were what looked like two young military men.  They were not the only two in line, but they were the two that just made me feel horribly heartbroken.  I dont know their story of course, and I dont know if they are military men, I know nothing of course.  I really wanted to give the first guy in line a blanket that I have in my trunk, on top of the other stuff I have to donate.  I pulled out of the parking lot and I started to cry - and I havent stopped yet.  I drove in a circle, and then I drove home.  I did not stop to give him the blanket because I felt guilty that I didnt have one for every person in that line.  I didnt want to upset anyone and I didnt want to cause a problem for the one guy if I gave only him a blanket... but I feel extremely guilty.  They probably dont know yet that they dont have a roof over their head for the night, they dont have a hot shower to take, they dont have a bed to lay down in where they can sleep in safety for the night... He had no blanket and I feel so horrible for leaving... but I didnt know what else to do.

I cant stop crying, and I seriously feel so heartbroken for everyone on that sidewalk who will be sleeping outside on this freezing cold night.  I will drop the donations off tomorrow night, but tonight, I just feel...sad.